Most people panic a little when asked to give a wedding speech. And who could blame them? The pressure to be heartfelt, funny and memorable (all in five minutes or less) can be overwhelming. Where do you even begin?
After a decade of writing wedding speeches for brides, grooms, best friends, siblings and parents through my boutique speechwriting service A Speech to Remember, I’ve seen it all: the nerves, the blank pages, the moments of doubt. This year marks our 10th anniversary, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned after writing hundreds of wedding toasts, it’s this: Sincerity will always shine brighter than perfection.
Yet sincerity doesn’t mean winging it or falling back on clichés. It means putting real thought into what you say and how you say it. So, if you’ve been tasked with giving a wedding toast and want to avoid sounding like every other speech you’ve ever heard, here are five strategies that can help:
1. Break the Mold (You’re Allowed!)
There’s no law that says you have to start your speech with, “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m [fill in the blank, relation to the couple],” or a long list of thank-yous. And you certainly don’t need to mention every cousin who flew in from Minnesota. In fact, one of the best ways to hook your audience is to skip the formalities (at first) and dive into a meaningful or funny moment. You can always circle back to the thank-yous at the end, but starting with something fresh, like a short, specific story or surprising insight, immediately grabs attention.
2. Say No to Clichés
“You were made for each other.”
“She’s the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”
Sound familiar? That’s because these phrases are in just about every wedding speech ever written. If it sounds like a line from a Hallmark card, that’s your cue to rethink it. Your words should feel like they could only be spoken by you, not anyone with a microphone and Google. That doesn’t mean being poetic—it just means being specific. Say what you actually mean in a way that only you could say it.
3. Show, Don’t Tell
Adjectives like “kind,” “loyal” or “funny” are fine, but they don’t stick with your audience. Stories do. If you want to show how caring your sister is, don’t say she’s “thoughtful.” Instead, talk about the time she drove three hours to help you move on a rainy Tuesday. If your best friend and her new husband are adventurous, tell the story of their third date: a 12-mile hike followed by sushi from a gas station. These anecdotes paint a vivid picture and allow listeners to feel the emotion for themselves.
4. Keep It Light, Not Lifetime
Wedding speeches aren’t the time to philosophize about love or marriage or quote obscure poets. That doesn’t mean you can’t be meaningful, but aim for depth without drifting into drama. A simple truth wrapped in humor or heartfelt emotion will go much further than a sweeping declaration about soulmates and destiny. And if you’re tempted to include a famous quote, make sure it’s relevant (and brief).
5. Stick the Landing
The way you close your speech matters just as much as the way you open it. Try to tie your ending back to something you mentioned earlier for a full-circle moment. A bit of humor, a heartfelt wish or even a small surprise can leave a lasting impression. One of my clients once ended her toast by pulling out the couple’s favorite craft beer instead of champagne. The room erupted in cheers, which was the perfect punctuation mark.
Final Thought
The best wedding speeches aren’t about trying to win everyone over or have the room cracking up. They’re about honoring the couple in a way that’s true to you. Whether you’re the funny sibling, the sentimental best friend or the slightly nervous parent, your words matter. And if you speak from the heart (and maybe get a little help from a pro) you’re already on the path to a toast people will remember.
After 10 years of helping people find the right words for life’s biggest moments, I can confidently say: The most meaningful speeches don’t sound like anyone else’s because they sound like you.
Holly Blum is the Founder of A Speech to Remember. The idea for A Speech To Remember was born out of Holly’s love for finding those “just right” words to make life’s ordinary moments become extraordinary. She understands that public speaking can be challenging for many, particularly when it is on a personal level. She hopes to make this process easier by working closely with clients to transform their own ideas, feelings and personal stories into a customized speech that will celebrate the occasion and make a lasting impression.
